Anxiety, apathy, regrets, self-loathing…
stop living in fear-Thinking about fear can prevent us from finding the happiness we desire. Health coach Liz Wilde reveals five of the most common problems – and ways to break free.
The root of many problems is fear. Although all my clients are different, the fear (which is often unknown) behind their challenges can be very similar. Here are the five most common ones I see, and how I deal with them…
How to stop living in fear
I will regret my decision
The idea of training is that clients come to me not knowing what they want to do, and I help them see it. But often that is not the case. Although some clients do not really know which way to turn, many others know in depth what their preferred result is, but they are afraid to disclose it. Why? Sometimes they just need permission – knowing that they are not selfish, that they deserve happiness – but under all major decisions it is the fear that at some unspecified time in the future they will regret it.
What is your practice with regrets? Do you use it to encourage yourself? Or do you use it to keep yourself safe? It helps to take a closer look at what remorse is. When you have a feeling of regret, you simply have thoughts about the past, the present, and the present. Be aware that you will not do this if you are in a good mood, but only when you feel insecure.
Many of us believe that remorse is a kind of important message from the universe that tells us what we should have done. it is not. Regrets are thoughts, and we can choose not to act on them. Ask yourself, ‘Is it worth repeating the battles or setting them apart and then moving on?
All thoughts will pass if you let it. It takes time and effort to keep a positive attitude. According to the heart, no customer has ever regretted his decision. The only thing they regret? Not fast.
I can’t stand being alone
Clients often come to me feeling attached to an unhappy relationship. It takes courage to admit how bad things are, and it can take many, long before a client feels ready to express complete frustration with his or her situation. So why not go? Fear of regrets for sure, but most frightening to many is the thought of being alone. This is especially true for clients who have been in a relationship most of their adult lives. They have never had the opportunity to learn that they can be safe without one.
Yes, there are tangible consequences of being alone, but I believe the most frightening thing is what we do say about us. That we are unpopular or a failure; that something is wrong with us. Ask yourself: ‘Why am I afraid that singleness can make me a victim? What does that feeling remind me of? We can spend our lives running away from painful memories of the past like feeling unloved or lonely as a child.
As another popular quote says, ‘Do what you are afraid of and death is a certainty.’ Enlightening shadowy thoughts allows you to see them more clearly. You are no longer the child who had the power to change his knowledge. Singleness in the future does not have to be the same as the past.
The momentary loneliness of the evening spent in solitude is nothing compared to the soul-destroying loneliness of a miserable relationship. Rather than judging yourself by your life of isolation, travelling is your first step in finding the kind of love and friendship that is right for you. Making peace with your fear of being alone will also lead to a better relationship. When we feel that we cannot do anything, we make a bad decision. And if you ask yourself, no client has ever regretted leaving a bad relationship.
- If I can’t control myself, something bad will happen
Anxiety-conscious clients live their lives fighting for impact. They fear the worst and try to keep themselves safe by planning the world and everyone in it. But this only adds to their frustration as, deep down, we all know we are not space experts.
We no longer live in a world of sabre teeth with teeth, but we still use the same combat or flight software – to make mistakes in everyday challenges with life-threatening disasters. The reason? We all have the ability to think about issues that deserve a lot of sales thanks to our left brain. This part of the storytelling mindset is the mastermind behind the production of complete ‘is it?’ Based on limited knowledge. If there are gaps in its actual data, it will automatically fill in the blanks and fix things.
Have you ever noticed that the future you predict has never really happened? We always find it wrong. But because we face the world with our own thoughts, we are living as if these terrible futures are real.
Understanding how your mind works allows you to see these issues as they really are and refuse to take them seriously. Not true, the latest drama of your left brain, and then trying to solve it. If you have a desire to go anywhere but where you are now, know that your left mind has taken over and is resisting the urge to intervene. There is no place more important than this time. It is the only place where real life takes place.
- I was created to repeat my parents’ mistake
This fear may be so intense that it requires mild teasing without the client’s attention. Their moral code feels like a big part of them, they don’t know they’re living in the story of their past. Maybe their mom was negligent and my client is now trying to be a ‘great mom’ to pay too much. Even the client’s father was selfish and now they are pressuring all their needs to ‘prove’ how different they are.
We preserve the painful memories of the past to protect ourselves from dread, which means that our present experience may distort our memories of what happened in the past. But memories are simply the thoughts that went through that time and needless to say. Once again, your left-wing media is active, pointing to patterns that are often unplanned: ‘I forgot my son’s football kit – I’m becoming a self-centred mother!’ Sadly, this kind of thinking can cause a great deal of unnecessary suffering.
Look under any fear and you will find good intentions. This is clear: ‘If I keep thinking about this, I will always be extremely cautious and I am afraid that it will not happen.’ But the truth is, you are a different person from your parents. My clients are afraid to repeat the hurtful patterns of the kind, very loving people I have trained. They do not have to be constantly on the lookout for monsters – they never did. If you share this fear, reconsider your normal thinking. Is it accurate? No one is harassing you now except you. And he is injured enough.
- There is something ‘wrong’ with me
The feeling that something is wrong with us is what we all fear most. Life is a contact game and no one escapes a few knocks on the way, but most of us have the ability to hide the damage we think. We don’t see other people’s abrasions so we think we are the only ones who feel weak and broken.
When we analyse what we think is wrong with us it becomes very real. We make a mistake and say ‘I am a bad person’ or we come out of a traumatic event and decide ‘I will never be the same again’. Then we find more evidence to support our insecurities, and we are concerned about what others think of us because of what they think of us. Have you ever noticed how we give you more negative thoughts than we do?
The fact is, there is nothing wrong with you – there is nothing wrong with your thinking. You gave yourself up and chose to believe that this is who you really are. But it ‘s your Stephen King inside who tells you another shocking story.
Mental health is right with what it is. You do not have to be happy every day. It’s great to have a day off – we all do. Label these ups and downs as usual and there is no longer something to fear. Be kind to yourself, and in the lowly days do not try to change the world.
Like driving in a fog, slow down and do not make hasty decisions. Learn to blame what you think of yourself, and if it hurts you think that you may be wrong.
Good news? When you stop thinking about something, it disappears from your life.
When I tell clients that there is nothing wrong with them, that they are as strong as ever, there are often tears of relief. Now they can allow themselves to be overcome by beliefs that have caused them great distress.